The Turd Bird...

My Dad had a saying for the rare (okay, not so rare) moments where my Brother and I would throw fits. He'd see us pouting, with our lips stuck out like Bubba from Forest Gump, and he'd taunt the laughter out of us saying, "Awwwwwh, is there a wittle birdy that's gonna come and poop on your lip? Is there? Is there a wittle birdy's gonna come and poop on your lip? Awwwwh!" over and over again until we could no longer hold a straight face. It worked without fail.

I realized just how real that hypothetical bird was to my dad the first year my Dad took me to "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" at Tektronix. His cubicle was nothing special, just four dividing half-walls with a small opening that served as a doorway. Take Your Daughter to Work Day was all well and good in thought, but it was in all actuality insanely boring to be with your Dad while he worked and you sat there and twiddled your thumbs all day. Attempting to soothe my boredom I looked around for anything to play with, and there sitting on shelf was "The Turd Bird". Yes, it was a literal piece of shit, horse shit to be exact. It had two pipe cleaner legs, tiny feather wings, a toothpick beak, and plastic eyes you'd get from a craft store. It was mounted on a tiny wooden pedestal and labeled, "The Turd Bird", and underneath was the scientific name (which I no longer remember, but I assume it went a little something like poopicus maximus or shiteous globulous).

Because I inherited the same humorous fascination with things other people would be disgusted by, I WANTED THAT TURD BIRD. I still want it. I don't know where it went to or how I didn't end up with it in my room on the night stand next to my bed....but if I ever run across one, it's going to be mine. (The picture above is not the actual turd bird...my Dad's was cooler...as in...the horse poo was horizontal and not vertical...it makes a massive difference.)